Love is one of the most powerful and transformative forces on the planet, and when we learn how to love ourselves there is almost nothing we can’t do.
However, from an early age we are brought up to believe that we are less than deserving of love. Or that we only deserve love if we act like this, or look like that. These concepts couldn’t be further from the truth.
As Ram Dass said, “You are loved just for being who you are, just for existing.”
He continued, “You don’t have to do anything to earn it. Your shortcomings, your lack of self-esteem, physical perfection, or social and economic success – none of that matters. No one can take this love away from you, and it will always be here.”
How does that feel in your body?
This is the first step to uncovering the fact that you are a being of love and at your core exists this love that connects all of us through space, time, and dimensions.
Loving yourself is looking at who are you are and your life directly and still stating, “I love you, and I want you to be happy.” Right now, not when everything looks “perfect.” Even when everything falls together for a period of time, it always falls apart. That’s just the nature of life. It allows us to grow and change and learn. Self-love isn’t dependent upon circumstances.
If it is too difficult for you to start with the you who you are today, maybe start with a younger version of yourself.
Who is she? What was she like? What does she need to hear? How did she need to be supported? And is she deserving of love?
We don’t come out of the womb with a sense of self-loathing. That is something that is taught to us. Likely, whatever your younger self needed is what you still need today. These needs hold the keys to uncovering the radiant being of love who still lives within.
When we are taught that there are conditions to feeling love, then we seek those conditions in the outer world. Yet, love is not something that can be found outside, it is something that already exists within. Something that can be revealed and when it is, then we start to see the whole world as full of love. We recognize the true loving divinity of all things and can relax into the world.
Sometimes allowing ourselves to feel love can be scary. We have to open and soften. This doesn’t mean that love is soft. Love is powerful and it can make a statement. I often think of a mother bear and her love of her cubs which can cause her to become a ferocious protector.
But it is true that to be love, to give love, to receive love we have to open to it. Life may have given us reasons to close ourselves off and harden. We needed to protect ourselves in other ways because no one taught us how to stand in the power of love.
How can you start to recognize the places where it is safe to soften? How can you gently and easily expand your capacity for love over time?
Because like anything else, this won’t be an overnight process.
When you are feeling low, sad, depleted, anxious, angry, or upset how do you treat yourself? Do you give yourself what you need in the moment?
I remember one period of time where I felt adrift and confused I went to make myself a ceremonial cacao with rose petals. Years ago I would have done this from a place of needing to fix myself. To give myself something which could possibly open my heart and increase my serotonin.
Instead, this time I went to the stove to heat the water and I spoke to myself gently. I told her I was sorry she was feeling this way, but that I didn’t expect her to change. I just wanted her to feel cared for and loved. That this offering was one of solidarity. I could feel myself softening and opening into myself and to life. I felt myself deepening in trust for myself. I could feel myself growing in love.
One of my teachers has said that the old saying, “You can’t love someone else until you can love yourself,” isn’t quite true.
It’s more like, “We can’t receive the love we don’t give ourselves.”
Love can feel scary if the ones who raised us mixed their love with aggression, withholding, and fear. Now is our opportunity to unbraid those experiences from each other. This is the time to show ourselves that love is brave, healing, and kind.
It is my dream to see you glowing and thriving, blooming and exploring. I want to see you so full of love for yourself, as you are, right now. If you change (and you will) great! But if you stay the same, also great!
Love gives us the courage to choose what is right for ourselves, and by doing right by ourselves we do right by the world. When we choose lovingly, we transform the world by requiring it to shift around those choices. We inspire others to make the choices that are most loving for themselves. Instead of compromising our lives away, we can start to see what is really possible.
And a lot more is possible. Much more than you can imagine.
So maybe try some of these offerings to cultivate a sense of self love, because like Ursula K. Le Guin said, “Love doesn’t just sit there, like a stone, it has to be made, like bread; re-made all the time, made new.”
What are your love languages? How can you practice them on yourself today?
What things went right today? How can you recognize the good and let it wash over your entire body like a wave?
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell her the things you long to hear.
Create a sanctuary in your home. Dress up. Do a photo-shoot. Look at the photos and actively note the things that you adore about yourself.
What are you most proud of in yourself? Celebrate them with gifts, words, or an appropriate outing.
Write yourself (or younger self) a loving letter.
When you are feeling bad how can you offer yourself comfort and kindness, as you would a friend? Write them down so you can remember for later.
And now for a little self-love appreciation here!! Today is officially 1 year of showing up consistently each week on this platform.
I have been writing for years but have fallen off the bandwagon due to fear or an expectation to perform “perfectly.” But last year I learned more about the importance of consistency and I promised myself that I would create something to share every week. I knew I had an abundance of wisdom and experience but there was a voice telling me that it needed to be the most novel, most amazing work in order to put it out, in order for it to be of use to anyone. Of course that is not true.
I’m really proud to now be looking back and see a year’s worth of work. I love that I decided, “Better done than perfect.” It’s been amazing to see what has been able to flow from me when I release the constraints of fear and perfectionism. When I leaned into trust of myself and this path that I’m pursuing.
Every article or podcast actually showed me that there was so much more to share. Each one would inspire me to see the many directions I could go in. In this time I have built a body of work that is reflecting back to me who I am as a practitioner, storyteller, and community member which is building a deeper sense of resiliency in me.
And! I’ve been so happy to connect with you all, to hear your shares, both in the comments and via email. It’s my longing to build vast networks of humans who are dedicated to becoming more loving and more human. I love hearing your stories and I so appreciate you for sharing how these messages have resonated with you.
So hoooooray!!! I will be taking myself out to celebrate and rededicating myself to another year of showing up here.
Thank you all for being here with me. <3